After The Darkness …

And finally, in that quietness came clarity. There came a clarity that I did not have at that time or that I had experienced before. There was beauty. There was love. There was purpose. My theology and spirituality became formed through the action of prayer. An understanding of my work, my vocational work began to form. Out of this moment of prayer came the sense of purpose for me and the whole church. Out of this moment of prayer came the inklings of my life that could be lived out in the assurances of God's grace and love.

Through that prayer work, a number of truth statements became truly a part of my own belief system in a deeper, clearer, more personal way than I had ever known possible.

• I understood God's love for me through Jesus Christ, and that there was nothing in heaven or under heaven, of powers or authorities that would or could separate me from God's love.
  
• There was no challenge too great that could not be seen through to its end because of God's love.
  
• There was no pain too deep that could not be healed by the grace of God's love.
  
• There was nothing that could keep God's hope from raising my head and eyes to see the path of Jesus Christ's kingdom before me. All I had to do was take that step back onto the path, back onto the way that lay before me.
  

  
  

It was then, as I rose and walked to the door of the sanctuary, turned out the lights, and walked out into the night that I took my first steps again. Every step would be bathed and supported and buoyed by the prayer of a humbled, grateful, and delivered heart.

The Rev. Dr. Leonel L. Mitchell wrote a commentary on the Book of Common Prayer with an intriguing title: Praying Shapes Believing. I believe that praying does shape believing. Out of this certainty that I have about prayer and belief arise two other thoughts and they are: Prayer is work, and work originates from prayer. These are the themes that I want to play with, hold up, turn in our hearts and minds, and to which I wish to give some intentional thought in the next posts.

Coming up: A Survey of Scriptural Posts tagged #Prayer and #Jesus

There’s a Reason They Call It “Working” The Program

(continued from previous post "When Work of Ministry Just Isn't Working"

Some of you may know, I began "working the program" of Al-anon about twenty years ago. I started this work as a result of finding my life and ministry in a pretty bad place. On a regular basis, I read my One Day At A Time, went to meetings, got a sponsor (God blessed me with a good one!) and started working the Twelve Steps.

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.

I breezed through this step. That was easy enough and true and apparent. I got it, and I got it immediately. I thought, "This program is pretty good. I can do this."

Step Two: Came to believe that a Power greater than our-selves could restore us to sanity.

This was a little harder. I could get that God was greater than me, but I wasn't thinking clearly at all; I had been trying the same thing over and over again expecting different results, and I wasn't so sure I couldn't take care of things based on my own power of reasoning. I worked at it until I came to realize the crux of my dilemma: either I really, truly believed that God had the power to do this for me or I didn't. I decided God had the power to restore me. After all, isn't that the meaning of redemption? It took me several hard weeks of work to fully accept this truth.

Step Three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

Now here was an embarrassing problem. I'm an ordained priest! I could do theology, talk theology, preach the Gospel, read Holy Scripture, lead the Eucharist, and do all manner of priestly things. But I wasn't sure I was ready to turn my "will and my life over to the care of God." Especially, I wasn't sure I wanted to submit to the God that I understood at this particular time of my life.

And so here it came: the dark night of the soul. Here was that moment when a man decides what he is made of. Here is the moment when he decides what he really believes. As any good procrastinator will tell you, you can stretch some things out pretty far. My avoidance of this step, led to my whining about the step, which led to my deepest sorrow over seeking God who seemed to have abandoned me. My sponsor listened to me. My sponsor talked with me. My sponsor allowed me to really work this step, to wrestle with it and didn't try to fix it for me.

One night after a particularly difficult meeting followed by one-on-one time with my sponsor, I went home, sat on the red couch and poured out my trouble to my wife, JoAnne. JoAnne said, "You need to get out of this house and its distractions. You need to leave the comfort of this couch and go up to the church. You need to pray and sit with God until you get this soul work done." So I said, "Ok." I couldn't really argue, and it was a good idea. I went to the Church. I entered this holy space and I prayed. I prayed on my knees. I prayed sitting down. I cried. I talked to God. I yelled. I was quiet. I was quiet, some more.

Coming Up: After the Darkness ...

When the Work of Ministry just isn’t Working

There was a certain time in my life when things were not going well for me in my ministry.

• It was the time of the tragic Texas A&M bonfire: I had been forced by circumstances to deal with this trauma, to witness the deaths, and to minister to the friends and families of those who had died. I was one of many clergy providing pastoral care; the Catholics were the first to arrive and Sandi Mizirl, our own campus missioner, did a yeoman's work with the families at the hospital. I had stayed on the site to visit, to pray, and to be present with the police, firemen, and other rescuers who were seeking the young people still trapped beneath the fallen stack.

• It was a time that I was struggling under the weight of my own ministry goals, forgetting for the moment, the lessons I had learned about shared ministry. I was spinning a lot of plates, most of my own creating, and they felt like they were going to fall any minute.

• It was a time that my relationship was very strained between me, my father, whom I love, and my family.

• And it was a time that I was in solo flight. I did not have a clergy support group or anyone with whom I felt like I could confide my struggles. My prayer life was in the dumper. Life was hard, and I was making it harder, and I wasn't reaching out for help, though help was all around me.

Eventually, I had no choice but to change a couple of things as a course correction; some changes occurred naturally, some by my invitation. Most of these changes revolved around reaching out to others. I found a counselor to help me better understand myself. I found a clergy group to gain new ministry perspectives. I moved into a relationship with a monastery in order to renew my prayer life. And I got into Al-anon.

This course correction did not have immediate, but rather long term effects.

Coming Up: There's a Reason it's called "Working the Program"

One Love, One Blood: UT, FB, OW and JC

It is interesting how things sometimes come together when you are being attentive. Here are three stories woven together that got me thinking.

I have been reading One Heartbeat by coach Mack Brown. Coach Darrell Royal's quote stood out in the very first pages of this story that is hard to put down. Coach Royal said, "To be successful as a team you must bring all the parts together and play as one heart."

I am reminded of the incredible A&M games I have attended as an Aggie fan, participating in the yells and songs.

This idea of one heartbeat translates easily into our Body of Christ imagery and theology.

What if the church moved with one heartbeat? Does the church move with one heartbeat?

The second piece of this connection came while rereading Here Comes Everybody by Clay Shirky. Shirky begins his book by helping the reader discover that 15 people can have over 15 connections. An example of the possible connections begin to take shape on facebook when one does a friend wheel. You are able to see how you are connected but how all your friends are connected and how all friends could be connected. The multi-colored wheel above are the real connections of the 1000 friends I have on facebook, but each friend has an opportunity to connect tomorrow with someone new raising the possible real life connections.

What if the church as the body of Christ was as connected as we are online? What if we used our online connections to make incarnational connections?

The last piece happened when I got home tonight. JoAnne was watching the opening season party for Oprah and we witnessed what is called a flash mob. I love the Black Eyed Peas and enjoyed seeing a crowd of over 20,000 do a choreographed dance. See the video and how they did it here: http://bit.ly/12zpKU.

What if the church as the Body of Christ showed up and dance?

It is an interesting thing to think about the possibilities for the body of Christ that are emerging as people's hunger for community lead them to learn how to dance, gather and connect, and seek to work together as one heartbeat.

Is it getting better

Or do you feel the same

Will it make it easier on you

Now you got someone to blame
You say

One love

One life

When it's one need

In the night

It's one love

We get to share it

It leaves you baby

If you don't care for it
Did I disappoint you?

Or leave a bad taste in your mouth?

You act like you never had love

And you want me to go without
Well it's too lateTonight

To drag the past out

Into the lightWe're one

But we're not the same

We get to carry each other

Carry each otherOne
Have you come here for forgiveness

Have you come to raise the dead

Have you come here to play Jesus

To the lepers in your head

Did I ask too muchMore than a lot

You gave me nothing

Now it's all I got

We're one

But we're not the same

We hurt each other

Then we do it again
You say

Love is a temple

Love a higher law

Love is a temple

Love the higher law

You ask me to enter

But then you make me crawl

And I can't be holding on

To what you got

When all you got is hurt
One love

One blood

One life

You got to do what you should
One life

With each other

SistersBrothers
One life

But we're not the same

We get to carry each other

Carry each other
One
One

Current Prayer Current Reading

I am enjoying my return to routine in the office this fall.

My daily prayer life seems to be returning to normal: morning prayer, special intercessions for family, friends, coworkers, clergy and their families and parishioners. I follow the daily lectionary and have been posting on twitter reflective passages coming out of that reading. I follow the ordo of the Society of St. John the Evangelist, which is the calendar for the psalms, feasts, and fasts.

I am also reading as part of my meditations in the morning the Archbishop's (ABC) meditations from Lambeth called: God's Mission and a Bishop's Discipleship. I have already read this short wee bookie once, but it is really good so I am at it again.

I am working on Luke's Gospel for a new Hitchhiker's Guide to be out this fall. I also picked up N. T. Wright's new book Justification. That is really good. He really stirs the pot in this one.

On the fun side I just finished The Big Rich and am working on The First American, This is England, Biography of Bishop Greg, and Here Comes Everybody (second read).

What are you reading?